Pretending
by SpotsOnYourNose
Summary: James is pushing everyone away. Can Lily save him before he does something stupid?


James walked down a hallway. He was in pain, no not physical pain, pain in his heart. He had just broke up with Lily Evans. He loved her, but didnt want her getting hurt. Lily was strong, but against Lord Voldemort. Even she couldnt stand against him. His parents were killed by Voldemort. So were his childhood friends, his uncle, and his sister. He didnt want anyone close to him.He had even pushed Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, his three best friends away. No one could talk to him. It was simple, he didnt want anyone to be close to him, for their sake.  
  
**Flashback** "We have to end this." "What? James I love you! How can you leave me after all.."Lily bit her lip. "You not making this any easier Lily." Jame looked away from those green eyes that were filling with tears. "But James." "No buts Lily, its over. It has to be."James turned and left. **end flashback**  
  
He missed her even though she was a few feet in front of him. She wasnt talking to her friend who was next to her. She didnt smile, she just looked miserable. James looked away. He was putting her through this pain. It was his fault. The love they had for each other was still there, but it couldnt be. James looked up at the person standing next to him. Sirius. James searched for a reason to get away. "Dont. I want you to tell me why you are pushing everyone away. Me, Remus, Peter.....Lily." Sirius said before James could talk. "You wouldnt understand."James said, almost bitterly. "Just tell me."Sirius said, a set look of determination on his face. James sighed. "I dont want anyone else hurt by Voldemort. He killed my parents, my friends before Hogwarts, my uncle and my sister."James said, looking at the ground. "You realise how much Lily misses you right?"Sirius asked. James backed away. "Dont. Your trying to change me."James said. "No James, Im trying to help-" "No! I dont want to hear this!" James said and ran down the hall.Sirius didnt follow him.He stood there and watched James plow over several students.  
  
James ran out onto the Astrology balcony. He stood there and let the wind blow across his face. He stared up at the sky, as the stars became visable.He hoped Lily wouldnt find him here.If he saw her, he would go against everything he had promised himself. He would love her, then she would get hurt. He stood there, looking at the sky. He heard a crash behind him and turned around.'Please dont be Lily, please dont be Lily.' He chanted in his mind. But, of course, Lily pushed a desk off of her and stood up. She looked at James and frowned.The light from the moon shone in her eyes. James shook his head and looked away. 'I cant love her.' He reminded himself. "James?"She asked, almost at a wisper. "What."He snapped. Lily was silent. "Im sorry Lily. I dont have a right to be mean to you."He appologized, but still wouldnt look at her. She stepped towards him."No. Dont please."He said, turning so his back was to her. "Why are you pushing everyone away?"She asked.James bit his lip. "I cant tell you."He said. "Why? James, I want to help you."She said. He felt a shiver go up his spine when she put a hand on his shoulder. Without thinking, he shrugged her hand off. Imediatly, he regretted it. He heard her back away."Fine."She said, and he heard her run back into the Astrology classroom and slam the door. The slam echoed in his mind. Unable to stand it anymore, he gripped the railing and felt the wood breaking under his hands. He held his hands up and looked at the stick in his hand.He threw it down and watched it land in the lake. He smiled and stepped onto the railing.He went to dive into the lake, he couldnt stand this anymore. "JAMES NO!"He turned around and saw Lily standing there."What are you doing?"She said stepping towards him. "No Lily, stay back. I have to do this, I cant take it anymore."He said, putting out a hand. Lily continued to cross the room, towards the balcony. "James, if you jump, Im going after you." She said, stopping. "No you wont."He said and shot cords at her that binded her to a wall. "NO JAMES DONT DO THIS!" She screamed.Fighting against the cords, she watched as he turned away from her.He was standing on the railing, swaying. "Please James. Please dont."She pleaded. He flinched. "Lily, please, dont say anything."He said, looking at her over his shoulder. She looked so helpless. Her hair was in her face and her green eyes were full of tears. "No, Im not going to be quiet. Dont do this to yourself."She said, pushing against the cords. He stepped off the railing and walked over, standing in front of her."I still love you. You may not love me back but-" "Of course I do."He said, brushing the hair from her face. "And thats why Im doing this."He wispered. "Please tell me why...the real reason."She said,trying to keep him from jumping long enough for someone to find them. "I dont want you hurt."He said, still wispering. "I wont be."She answered. "You would against Voldemort. He killed my parents, my childhood friends, my uncle and my sister."He said for the second time. Lily bit her lip. "I dont care if Voldemort could kill me. At least I would die happy, becuase I was with you."She said and finally felt the tears slide down her cheeks. James reached up and put his finger on her cheek, wiping the tear away. "Dont cry."He said. "But I love you."She said, still letting tears fall. He kissed her forehead then turned away. "James. Dont do it. We need you here at Hogwarts. I need you."She said, pausing between the sentences. "You dont need me. Your strong...by yourself."He said. "I dont want there to be a 'myself'. I....I want it to be us." Lily said, now pushing against the cords intil they cut into her arms. "Stop that, your hurting yourself."He said, walking over and pushing her back against the wall. She pushed forward and crushed her lips against his. He pulled back. "I told you, I cant love you."He said, turning away. He walked over to the railing and hopped up onto it. "No!"Lily screamed. "Lily stop! You cant make me stop!" He said harshly. This made Lily stop. He took one last look at her. He hated this. The girl he loved most was tied behind him, about to watch him die. Again, James jumped off the railing.He walked over and undid the cords. Lily threw her arms around him. "Im not letting you go."She said. James pushed her back and left the Astrology room. Lily stood on the blacony, the window blowing her hair across her face.  
  
"You cant live alone. You need her."Remus said, following James through the common room. He knew James still loved Lily."I know how much you loved her. You were obsessed. Voldemort cant hurt her. She has a better chance getting killed with out you."He said. James whirled around. "Shut up already!"He snapped. Remus punched him in the stomach. James looked at him in shock and clutched his stomach. He coughed. "Tell me you love her."Remus demanded. James bit his lip. "WHy should I if I dont?" He snapped. "You love her I know it, tell her...or she will go for someone else."Remus said and walked away.  
  
James sat on his bed in the boys dorms. He ripped up another letter Lily had wrote him.'You cant pretend anymore. Tell her that you still love her or you will lose her forever.' James fought with himself mentaly, then decided he would tell her.  
  
He walked into the library and saw Lily sitting in the corner, trying to transfigure a hair tie into something. He smiled. Lily had never been good at Transfiguration, and once, in their 4th year they had to transfigure a hair tie into a flower. Lily, of course attempted to make it a lily, but couldnt. She failed that. James chuckled and walked over. He walked up behind her and leaned over, his head next to hers. "No Lily, its like this."He said and put his hand on hers. With a flick of her wand, a huge pearly white lily was on the table. Lily squeeled and clapped her hands. He picked up the flower." You know. This has to be the second most beautiful flower Ive ever seen."He said, turning it in his hand. Lily was shaky, having him this close to her. "Only second?"She asked. "Yes, and it belongs to the most beautiful one." He said, smiling at her. She blushed a deep red and he kissed her. Everyone in the library seemed to fade away and Lily melted into him. "I love you, I dont care about Voldemort." Lily said after they pulled back. "I wont let him near you anyways."He said and picked her up. She laughed and the people in the library looked at them. He carried her out of the room and to the common room.  
  
**flashforward** James carried Lily back down the isle. She smiled at him and took a the center Lily out of her headpiece. "Its the one we made in the library." She said and smiled.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ _______ Short but sweet....interesting in my opinion. 


End file.
